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I love you.She was the type of girl who knew by heart the definition of each and every sentiment. Yet the words spelled and sprawled across the pages remained simply that--words, seemingly outside her grasp forever. And yet she prolonged the ritual of carving definitions, word-for-word, into the wall that closed off her mind. But it was not that she could not feel or that she would not feel. It was simply that she harbored deep inside a passion that no words in existence could ever describe. But I now know the word she so desperately searched for; it was "love". To the unknown entity that inspired her and drove her forward, the only words necessary to convey were these: "I love you."
And I do.
Alphabet SoupAlphabet soup poured into my
Bowl, each letter consumed in such a way that I may
Destructive words, too painful to say.
Emotional words, my secret
Feelings. Words of
Gratefulness never fully expressed
I try. But
Just spelling these words isn't enough when I
Know that these words are
Longing to spill out from my bowl, from my
Mouth, to jump into existence
Our time is lost. It's
Painful to think of all the
Questions never asked, never answered, because I hid here inside my
Room, too afraid to speak, only quietly sipping at this alphabet
Soup as opportunity slips away and I fall victim to
Time. Slowly now, I begin to
Understand. It's time to live, to speak, to
Venture out of the fool's shelter in
Which I hide and to pick up a map,
X marks the spot, and
You and I can run away an
ShadowsShe lived on the border
Between the realms
of booming voices
and quiet whispers.
And she was always afraid.
She was afraid of losing herself
in these middle grounds;
So she became a shadow,
an idea of a person,
Without eyes to see,
Or ears to listen,
Or a mouth to speak her mind.
She thought this was a sign of strength
to be so malleable;
adaptable, she thought.
A shadow could belong to anyone
it could fit in any place.
But she had never been so lost.
A shadow can be
swallowed by the dark;
eradicated by the light.
It has no voice,
A shadow is what's left after the eraser takes it's toll.
This life that she was living was no life at all.
And when she realized her lifelessness
She devised a stratagem.
She would be the one
to wield the eraser.
And she would carve out her own place
from the darkness and the light.
She would find the medians
and of sound
Never FearIn the blink of an eye, there goes a year
And we all wonder where the time goes
But I assure you, there's nothing to fear
Life is uncertain, the future unclear
We search aimlessly, wanting to know
In the blink of an eye, there goes a year
We jump in head first, no landing gear
Seeking purpose, but lost in the flow
But please remember, there's nothing to fear
In uncharted seas, we're all pioneers
Fighting waves, we are tossed to and fro
In the blink of an eye, there goes a year
We all reach the shores of ideal frontiers
Miraculously saved from the throes
This is why I say there's nothing to fear
This life may seem hard but we're almost there
And the timing will be apropos
In the blink of an eye, there goes a year
Just please remember, there's nothing to fear
The PedestalI told myself that you broke my heart
I cried out so angry hurt and alone
Yet when I was shown a light on the truth
I realized you were not what I once thought
Truthfully I see that I believed in an ideal
Not something standing there and very real
So the one who truly broke my heart was me
For allowing myself such a vain luxury
Of staring at you and inventing this dream
A persona of what you should be to me
Now that I know the real honest you
I find myself rather unimpressed sadly true
The person I imagined was stronger in the mind
Not this weak nothing gathering lost time
The person I imagined would keep their word
Not pretend to have never actually heard
The person I believed in was capable and kind
Not someone constantly distracted all the time
The person I see before me pales in comparison
To the creation of the ideal I thought I saw in you
Perhaps it truly is best that you never really knew
ApologyI could apologize day and night
Every single day for the rest of my life
But I don't see the point in wasting my breath...
You're never going to forgive me
why would you ever want to?
I know you're hurt...
But why do you think I did that in the first place?
I'm sorry I broke my promise to you...
But I'm only human...
I'm going to make mistakes
are you willing to stay around despite that?
Everything is nothing now a days...
There's no meaning to this
You yell at me...
Tell me I have friends who care
People who love me to death
I know this doesn't help my case much
But I really don't care anymore...
does that makes me a bad person?
You think I like this?
That I like being hallow?
That I like being in so much pain?
That I like being misunderstood?
I hate it....though I know that's not a good excuse
I shouldn't of started...
Than I wouldn't have this problem
But the past is the past and I cant change what I've done
is it wrong to wish to change things?
I have to
Stop The HateI thought you were understanding.
I thought you were accepting.
I thought you were okay with it.
I thought you were let me be myself.
"You look like a lesbian on the prowl", is what you said.
Why are you limiting me?
Why are you suppressing me?
Why are you suffocating me?
I should be able to be comfortable in my own shoes.
I should be able to express myself.
I should be able to feel like myself.
I don't want to hide behind a veil of lies.
I don't want to pretend I'm interested in something I'm not.
I don't want to suppress something of myself.
I don't want to fake it anymore.
I just want to be myself.
Let me express myself.
Let me be me.
FreedomNo word to describe it
The throbbing inside
With your wings outstretched
To your burning desires
Our faces reflect in the water
The water reflects in the sky
I flutter towards the horizon
My spirits lifted on high
In this moment I realize
The word to describe it all
A word we desire
CatYou slink across the bedroom floor
Crouch to find your prey
As vicious as you may be
You aid me when I'm down
You paw my chest
You warm my heart
And with your gentle purr
Take all my worried with you
As you slink away
Who I AmMy heart is higher than
the roof tops.
It belongs to
And where my legs take me over roof tops
Building to building.
I watch down upon all
like an eagle.
My blade becomes stained with the blood
of the unpure.
And where I fight
in the shadows.
For all the people who think I'm long gone.
DrownMy eyes filled with tears, my heart with terror, I run into the waves. I trip and stumble over my feet, blindly in the night. Slowly now, the shoreline recedes as I fall beneath the waves. My chest grows heavy... Is it the water? Regret? At this time I feel unsure. Reaching up, I realize what a fool I am. I breath in the salty water, so similar to tears. My final thoughts shoot through my body...
Must it end like this?
Just DieYou think you know me,
But you don't.
You see me smile and think everything's fine.
But that's only the mask I show you on the outside...
Inside I'm dying.
Lying awake and crying.
I feel as if I'm falling.
Falling from the light.
This pain in my heart is heavy.
Its suffocating me.
Crushing my dreams.
You stand watching still seeing my smile.
I'm hiding behind this mask I made.
To keep you out and my feelings in.
Because I know if you knew my secret.
You'd expose me.
I'm not that sweet little girl you once knew.
I'm really a little devil.
I'm not a saint.
My hands are stained in blood.
I'm cradling a heart.
It once belonged to you.
But I've grown tired of your face.
I hold a knife up to my skin.
Cutting deep groves to relieve me of this thought
Carving your name.
The name I once loved so much.
Now you're a memory to me.
I'm still hiding behind this smile.
Behind this mask.
This mask I've fooled the world with.
not monday.he shaved his head on tuesday.
her head was pounding but she held her breath.
she held it in and held it in, she bit her tongue and
pushed her caught breath at her barrier of teeth smashed
together. god, her head was killing her and she was so
dizzy and her lungs were beginning to ignite. she
needed to breathe, needed.
but there was an instant when where she opened her lips,
she couldn't breathe. her throat held shut, unsure of what to do
when her body screamed for oxygen but her mind told her no,
you should die. her body always won. it was all about
winning and winning again. but it was only winning if
you stood on the right side of the fence.
on wednesday he told her that he was going to get high, if
she wanted to come.
there were nights where she felt heavy and unsure if
gravity was treating her the same as everyone else.
surely her spine would compact and that would
be the end of it. but just as she was about to have all her vertebrae
crushed into a million little pieces, he
I'm sorry......I broke your window
when reality came crashing through.
I got sick of waiting for the weather,
although I'd take your rain cloud any day.
Like water breaking through a dam
my words flowed forward.
Desperately trying to reach you
they lost their meaning along the way.
I kept my emotions bottled up too long
and they lost their flavor.
It was love that I wanted to taste with you.
Now I scrape it from my bleeding tongue.
Maybe it was just infatuation
rather than devotion.
But regardless of what is most believed,
I was tired of being pushed away.
More than anything right now
...I met you.
Dead Man's SwitchIn control, then not -
Sudden loss of grip.
Headlong to where?
Details lost, smudged, streaked.
Careening; no system of
No dead man's switch,
On a fast track -
With or without a god?
Keep in Touch!
Lilyas has dedicated herself to making our community a brighter place with her vibrant artwork and infectious enthusiasm for interacting with others in our community. It has certainly paid off, as many deviants flock to her page on a daily basis to let her know how much of an inspiration she is. We absolutely agree, and couldn't let all that hard work go without recognition, so it's with great pride that we bestow the Deviousness Award for March 2014, to ... Read More